As Real As It Gets

"Now When I Bend Ovah..."

Wow! Not the greatest MLS Cup that I've seen, but some good storylines, decent goals, injuries to key players, shocking misses, a great atmosphere, and high drama gave ESPN pretty much all they were looking for in a broadcast. Lots of observations as we come to a close of the 2009 MLS season:



1. Real Salt Lake - Got better as the game progressed, even though they lost playmaker Javier Morales early in the game due to a Beckham foul and lost Will Johnson at the half due to food poisoning. Kudos to Jason Kreis for making good tactical subs that didn't really affect his gameplan. The team could have come unglued after going down a goal near the end of the first half, but they kept attacking and seemed to wear the Galaxy down over the next 75 minutes of regulation and overtime. Their midfield consistently won the 50/50 balls, and spread the ball from side to side to stretch the L.A. defense. Robbie Findley's equalizer and pretty consistent play might have earned him a call into Bob Bradley's January U.S. camp. With his speed and tenacity, could Findley make a case to replace Charlie Davies on the South Africa final roster? One last thing; don't ever bet against Nick Rimando in a penalty kick tiebreaker...



2. Los Angeles - I expected more. Classic goal late in the first half on the Beckham to Donovan to Magee sequence, but other than that, I never felt that they posed that much of a threat. Beckham looked ordinary and gave the ball away too much. Perhaps that was due to the foot injury ESPN reminded us of about 100 times during the broadcast. Donovan had a couple of moments where he looked good, particularly on the assist to Magee, but Real did a good job of not giving him much space to work with. Josh Saunders did well in coming on for the injured Ricketts, and Omar Gonzalez proved several times why he was MLS' Rookie of the Year. I definitely see him getting called into the U.S. camp sooner rather than later. Jovan Kirovski added nothing, and other than Donovan's cross to Magee for the goal, the Galaxy's service, particularly Beckham's, was atrocious. They wilted in the 2nd under Real's pressure, which I found interesting as Bruce Arena's teams are usually the ones who are more fit.



3. Donovan's Penalty Miss - Yep, it was big (no s*it!), but he didn't LOSE the game, as some are saying. I read one column this morning that said the miss proves that Donovan isn't ready to take his game to the next level in Europe as he can't handle the pressure. What a completely asinine statement! He missed a friggin' penalty! He makes that kick 19 times out 20, which is a 95% conversion ratio. I'll take that any day of the week. He's made some HUGE penalties in crucial International games for the U.S., where the pressure is significantly higher than in an MLS game (yes, even the league championship). His cross to Magee for L.A.'s only goal was as good as you'll see from anyone. Let's give him one last chance to go to Europe before we bury him again. Plus, if anything, watching the U.S. labor fruitlessly last week against 2 very average European squads proves how invaluable Donovan is to the attack for the U.S. I say he goes overseas and does just fine. Not a superstar, but a regular starter and contributor for a team.



4. ESPN's Coverage - Pregame wasn't bad. I think Lalas is a bit too loose and Foudy is a bit too tight. Hope they can work on that before we have to deal with them every day during ESPN's World Cup coverage. I agree that Harkes was a little too complimentary to L.A. during the game. The Galaxy were outplayed for large stretches and I don't think he acknowledged that. Plus, every time he mentioned that he spoke with a player, he prefaced it by saying "you know, I was talking to [insert players' name] earlier, and he said "Harkesey..." Dude, we know that's your nickname, but do you have to make sure we know the players call you that? (side note: I saw him several years ago and said "Hey Harkesey!" He looked at me like I had 2 heads...guess I hadn't earned the right to call him by that nickname...) One last thing; I love that the game was in primetime, but they should consider doing the pregame at 8 w/ an 8:30 kickoff. I'm pretty sure they lost a good chunk of the east coast last night as the game wore on and didn't end until close to midnight. I barely made it, got 4 hours, of sleep, and am now writing this recap...gonna be a tough day.



Overall, a great way to end the season. MLS should be proud of their accomplishments in 2009, and hopefully they take more steps to improve as new teams enter the league over the next couple of years. Now to some other items of note:



5. College Football - TCU might not beat the big three (Florida, Alabama, or Texas), but I'm pretty sure they'd have no trouble covering the spread (and with that offense, definitely take the "over"). They're a really good team with a couple of pro prospects on it. Of the mid-major teams still undefeated, they're easily the best. Oh, yeah, Oregon looks like they're going to the Rose Bowl, which means they're pretty good, right? Can someone remind of the score when they played Boise State earlier in the year? Yeah, I thought so...



6. NFL - My Colts are really cutting it close these past few weeks, but I'll take the wins as they inch closer to home-field advantage through the playoffs. They've got a 3 game lead on that with 6 left to go. Might have to take another look at Cincinnati and Pittsburgh after both lost games to pretty bad teams yesterday. Minnesota and New Orleans look they're heading for an NFC title matchup in January. I don't see another team in that conference that can match personnel with either of them. Is San Diego playing that well or is Denver playing that poorly? Sorry, Phil Simms, your kid sucks. And how insane is it that if the playoffs started today, Jacksonville would be a wildcard team? They've already got more wins this year than last, and other than Maurice Jones-Drew, don't have any real superstars on that team. He won't get it, but Jack Del Rio should at least be in the discussion for Coach of the Year.



Okay, that's all for this week. That 4 hours of sleep is catching up to me. Probably gonna be quiet for a few days with the holiday this week, plus the fact that Pat has carried the site the past few weeks. I'll give him a rest this week.



As always, thanks for reading and have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Hand Jobbed

I don't care who you are, that's pretty friggin' cool!

(click the picture for a bigger version)

So, yeah, we didn’t get anything done yesterday because of our respective real jobs. But seeing as how neither of us has won the lottery that takes a wee bit of a priority. Of course there was plenty to talk about from Wednesday and bucking tradition I’m not going to the U.S. game first.

- If I’m not going to the Yanks, of course I’m talking about the Irish not qualifying thanks to Thierry Henry’s “Hand of the Devil.” Nope, I’m not calling it the “Hand of God Pt. 2.” And, well he’s French, so Devil seems more appropriate. The quote that best sums up how I felt Wednesday afternoon comes from Eddie Izzard in Circle: “You Frenchy, froggy, froggy, Frenchy.”

By now you’ve heard that Henry knocked a ball down with his hand, passed it to former Arsenal teammate William Gallas, and poof, the Irish were gone. Yes, like Roy Keane said, it was the defenders’ fault for not clearing the ball, but a French player was also offsides on the play, so really the vitriol that’s been directed towards Henry should be towards the referee and his AR. And Keane comes off as even more of a dick, if that’s possible. However, Ireland also had plenty of other chances and that goal didn’t end the game. They controlled much of the 90-minute game and there was also a sitter in the first leg that was missed which also would have changed the complexion of the tie. But by extra time, they were spent.

So where does that leave us? Even Ireland’s head coach Giovanni Trapattoni has come out against a replay and I can’t see how that would happen even though Henry says it would be fair (I’m not sure he’d agree should he be sent off for the hand ball, though I’d guess it would just be a yellow). I’d say this is going to bring to a head the idea that the three refs on the field and sidelines just aren’t enough, as our buddy Craig Stouffer agrees. Replay is out because this is a fluid sport and there’s no room for that. The best plan in my view is the goal judges currently being tested in the Europa league. Much like the NHL, they sit behind the goal, but in this case also give them power to see plays like this one, or the one a couple of minutes before the handball when Nicolas Anelka clearly dove in an attempt to earn a penalty. (For conspiracy people who think FIFA wanted France in, well that was a much easier way for the referee to “hand” the game to Les Blues.)

Of course I’m still pissed. My Irish-American heritage wanted a pair of teams to root for, which hasn’t happened since ’02. Plus, if you think about it, the Americans have had their best showings when the Irish have been involved as well. Well, Italia ’90 wasn’t the best, but the 1-0 loss to the hosts was one of the most memorable games of the tournament. Then in ’94 -- where are ya Ray Houghton? -- we surprisingly got out of the group and gave eventual winners Brazil a run for their money. Ireland didn’t make it in ’98 and Steve Sampson shit the bed. The Boys In Green were back in ’02 for the memorable quarterfinal run, but again missed out during the disappointing Germany ’06 debacle. So all you non-Irish should’ve been rooting for them.

- As for the United States, it was another mediocre performance in Europe. It was good to see Jeff Cunningham get his first international goal, but I thought he deserved more than the hour he got. Jozy, who again was nearly invisible and showing that he hasn’t played much in the past few months, was dead tired and seemed to be the one that should have come off. The midfield was again devoid of any creative flair and was hamstrung when Edgar Castillo made his debut, but was put in at left midfield instead of his regular spot on defense. I mean, you’re down two goals, why not bring on a defensive sub? Michael Bradley wasn’t good again, though Benny and Rico were solid in the first half.

But the real problem was the defense. Jonathan Spector, again playing centrally, was at fault on all three goals and received the first ever 1 on a rating I’ve seen from Jack Bell. Frankie Hejduk was bad as well and Jonny Bornstein stepped up his game from the weekend, but it still wasn’t enough. It makes me wonder why Carlos Bocanegra is the captain if he can’t rally three solid defenders into a better backline considering it all fell apart in just ten minutes of coming out of the locker room. Brad Guzan did himself no favors either after a very good game against Slovakia; again, I’m not sold on him being the backup should Timmy Howard go down.

Some of that goes back on Bob Bradley and some odd substitutions. Of the strikers, only Cunningham has seen regular time recently and he scored. Imagine that. Holden and Clark, though possibly being showcased to try and sign a contract in Europe, had just played 120 minutes in Los Angeles just 4 ½ days earlier and had to fly halfway around the world in that time. Any wonder why neither were effective in the second half? Again it comes back to the second half problems -- which I’ve written about before -- that leads you to think Bradley is consistently out coached. On the other side, all three of Denmark’s goal scorers were substitutes. Enough said.

Oh, and Guus Hiddink is currently without a team to coach now that Russia has been eliminated. I know it won’t happen, but wouldn’t you much rather see the big Dutchman guiding us to South Africa than Bob?

- Elsewhere around the globe, it’s sad, but not surprising to see Costa Rica eliminated. It was all but over when they lost the first leg. Good to see New Zealand qualify with a couple of guys who have played in MLS, most notably former D.C. United captain Ryan Nelsen. It’s probably best that Portugal are there, but not so much that Greece and their defensive brand are in as well.

- Quickly on MLS Cup, I like Los Angeles to be Don Garber’s wet dream in Seattle as Landon lifts the trophy that’s named for his club’s owner. That will be the Galaxy’s third Cup, all of which have come this decade, but we’ll have to hope it won’t be a 1-0 OT win like their last two which weren’t fun to watch. I’m calling a 3-1 Galaxy win.

Enjoy the weekend. Maybe Mark will be back on Monday if he’s done being Scout Master.

- Pat Walsh

A Busy Week

Who's excited for the big game? Umm, anyone?

With the U.S. game this afternoon to analyze and MLS Cup on Sunday to look forward to, there will be plenty to write about in the next couple of days. But, before we get to that, there’s plenty of news to talk about. So here we go:

- Not a great showing against Slovakia for Bob Bradley’s side. More than anything else, it was a boring game to watch. I wasn’t impressed at all with the offense, which significantly missed Charlie Davies and Landon Donovan. Eddie Johnson was a joke, but the midfield did little to create chances for the forwards overall. The defense was okay, aside from Jonny Bornstein who was torched at left back. I wasn’t terribly impressed with Jonathan Spector in the middle and thought that Clarence Goodson had a better game in his few minutes than the West Ham defender. The big winner in my book was Brad Guzan with a couple of big saves -- can’t fault conceding a penalty -- and I hear Mr. Deed’s liked that Abe Lincoln style beard.

As for today’s game, a few injuries have altered the lineup. I’d like to see Castillo get some minutes at left back and either Conrad or Goodson start in the center of defense with Spector moving to right back for the injured Cherundolo. Wouldn’t mind seeing Dax McCarty get some time in a midfield devoid of creativity. And how about a start for Jeff Cunningham to see what he can do. For a good read of a guy who should’ve been there, check out Greg Seltzer’s impassioned argument for Jeremiah White.

- New U.S. jerseys have allegedly been revealed. They’ve grown on me and I’d be happy to see a red shirt back in the mix, but my first and lasting impression is who will win Mr. Congeniality?

- Sad to see the Irish lose at home to the French. Nicolas Anelka must have learned something from Chelsea teammate Frank Lampard with that lucky deflection for the lone goal. Holding out hope for the Irish, but not expecting anything.

Elsewhere, it’s pretty disappointing that Costa Rica is heading to Montevideo down a goal. Didn’t see the game, but I’m surprised the Ticos didn’t win in Saprissa. Guess it’ll just be three CONCACAF teams to disappoint next year in South Africa.

The game slash event of the day will be in Sudan where Egypt and Algeria square off, both on the field and in the stands. According to Steve Goff, 15,000 security officers will be on hand for the game to control violence. Comparatively, eight MLS teams didn’t average 15,000 fans per game this year.

- The two Conference Finals were filled with drama as both went to OT. Sadly, about five people on the east coast saw the end of the West thanks to a pair of power outages at RFK Memorial Stadium The Home Depot Center. Glad to see L.A. go through as they were the better team of the 50 minutes I saw. Houston had some good chances in the second half including a goal that was called off from a foul that probably wasn’t a foul (though I don’t fault the referee for blowing the whistle). Plus, that Beckham guy might make a few more people tune into the game. Good to see Becks that excited after LD’s penalty too. One last observation: in what could be his last MLS game, Ricardo Clark committed the two fouls that led to both L.A. goals.

Chicago would have been the better market (even if da Bears play Sunday night) but Real Salt Lake was the better team on the night. I was rooting for them because of guys like Beckerman, Andy Williams, Cleetus, Nicky Rimando, and Robbie Findley. I’ve never seen penalties taken in an attempt to chip both ‘keepers and I wondered if Jason Kreis would consider using Chris Seitz as his final sub -- he put Ned Grabavoy, who wasn’t one of his first five kick takers, on in the 123rd minute -- for Rimando to add size, but the athleticism of Nicky won out.

- Speaking of that Beckham guy, he’s claiming the controversy earlier this year has brought the team together. He’s certainly a player who has thrived when his back is against the wall, it’s just a shame it took a book to do so this time. And speaking of that book, here’s a tweet from its author, Grant Wahl, last week: Indiana won title a year after Season on Brink. So did Permian a year after Fri Night Lights. Galaxy too a year after Beckham Experiment?

- Reports out of Columbus make it sound like Guillermo Barros Schelotto might be gone as of this Friday. It’s a contract dispute which is not surprising considering he plays for the frugal Hunts, but it would be a shame for the league to lose one of their best players. Add to that the likelihood Donovan could go, and MLS will be without two of most creative players. Even worse for MLS is the embarrassment that will be Columbus in the knockout stage of Champions League without GBS. I can’t see the Crew signing a significant replacement and Robbie Rogers could be gone as well. Can’t quite see Emmanuel Ekpo and Eddie Gaven carrying that midfield against Toluca in what is essentially pre-season for MLS teams.

- Finally, to leave with a laugh, go watch Drunk Ewoks if you haven’t already.

Back tomorrow with thoughts on the Yanks game.

- Pat Walsh

Best In Show?

Wanna guess how much I can bench press?

Mark hit his monthly quota of blogging earlier this week, but I have to correct him about the U.S. roster. The Mexican league plays this weekend, so that’s why Castillo and Torres aren’t in Slovakia. They could suit up for Denmark next week. If not, then the questions should come.

Oh, one other thing: France isn’t going to the World Cup.

Onto some random thoughts for this rainy Thursday:

- Watched the first half of the Maryland-Virginia ACC quarterfinal yesterday. Conditions certainly played a part, but that’s no excuse for the Terps not scoring while up a man and with the wind at their back for much of the second half.

However, the story of the game, at least watching online, was the commentating. It was like watching “Best In Show”…but in real time. Here are some highlights I got through the half I watched. I didn’t make up any of these, believe it or not.

• "So will these balls get heavier as the day goes on or are they waterproof?"

• "It's always good to go on a run at the end of the season. You see that in hockey, you see that in basketball."

• "They need to make the numbers on the front of the jerseys bigger!"

• After being told that Virginia was playing with four backs he asked: "Now why is that?"

• "Did you find in your days of coaching that many players volunteered to be in the wall?" After the free kick hit the wall he followed it up with: "Thank you sir, may i have another?"

• "Here on Veterans Day, anyone who is a veteran can come in free. And anyone who isn't a veteran can come in free. So I guess it's a free for all."

• "Shot by Hunter Jumper there. That's one of your favorite names isn't it?" Color commentator’s reply: "I thought it was an equestrian event."

• "Explain to me why the players on the bench wear the little pull over things. Is that so a coach doesn't try to cheat and put another player on?"

However, bringing French defender Lilian Thuram -- who was at Duke for an anti-racism program -- was the highlight of the day. After botching his name and suffering through an interview that was translated both ways, he lobbed out this gem just after Thuram left:

"I was gonna ask if they can blame Lance Armstrong if they don't make the World Cup, but I don't think they can."

No matter what Bushman and I ever said on the air, it was never nearly that bad. And he was doing the play by play for the tournament of the best soccer conference in the NCAA. Unbelievable. My only regret was they didn’t make any Family Guy references when the field was called a “quagmire.”

- Apparently New York are desperate. According to Steve Goff, they are considering Curt Onalfo for their Sporting Director. This is a guy that took Chance Meyers -- who has 846 minutes played and only one assist in two years -- number one in 2008 ahead of the likes of Sean Franklin, Andy Iro, Patrick Nyarko, and Tony Beltran. Wait, with that track record shouldn’t D.C. United be looking at him to replace Dave Kasper?

- Glad to hear that Charlie Davies is out of the hospital. Get well soon #9!

- Looking ahead to this weekend, I think Mark was pretty spot on in his analysis of the Galaxy-Dynamo Western Conference Final. I like the Gals 2-0 with an early strike that will pull Houston out of their shell a bit (if Seattle had done that they easily would have been through). And having said that, with the two of us favoring L.A. bet the farm on Houston.

I also like Chicago, but I think this one’s a bit closer, say 2-1. Kyle Beckerman should frustrate Cuauhtémoc Blanco -- who didn’t play in either game between these two this season -- more than New England did. But in the end, MLS will get what they want outside of a Seattle appearance with Chicago and Los Angeles bringing the stars to Sunday night prime time. Maybe a parlay of Houston and Real Salt Lake?

- Lastly, the U.S. Soccer Hall of Fame nominee list came out this week. Those of you who heard me on my old radio show, Munk and the Mick, know that my co-host Kevin and I have long lobbied for a revamping of the system. First, only three people per year could get in, but that was changed to anyone who appears on 66.7% of the ballots and we take some credit for that.

However, a bigger problem still looms. It comes down to a distinction of what the Hall of Fame encompasses. Is it a National Team Hall of Fame? Is it a Professional Hall of Fame (encompassing the NASL, MISL, MLS, USL, WUSA, WPS, and I’m sure others) of American leagues? Is it a combo of both? The answer, unfortunately, is the last one, which makes choosing between borderline candidates from either the National Teams or the Professional leagues a tougher decision.

For example take John O’Brien and Peter Nowak. Both had brief, but important careers for the U.S. National Team and in MLS, respectively. O’Brien’s career was cut short due to injury while Nowak only played four years. The former Polish international presents the better case, but wouldn’t it be easier to decide if you were voting Nowak into the MLS Hall of Fame and JO’B into the National Team Hall of Fame? O’Brien still might not make it, but you (hopefully) get my point.

Also, voters shouldn’t list their top-10, but only those they feel deserve to be in the HoF. And remember, this is the Hall of FAME, not the Hall of “Really Good” as Bill Simmons often mentions. If you have any questions, I feel your vote should be no. If you can’t think of any highlights, I feel your vote should be no.

For the record, my ballot (if I had one) would be for: Tom Dooley, Mauricio Cienfuegos, Marco Etcheverry, Robin Fraser, Preki, Earnie Stewart, and Carlos Valderrama. Cases would be easier for a split HoF for guys like Joe-Max Moore or the aforementioned Nowak.

- Pat Walsh

Busy Week O' Soccer

"They'll Be All Smiles After Next Wednesday As Well"

This real job thing is seriously getting in the way of my blogging. Something must be done. Are there any potential sponsors with deep pockets who can pay Walsh and I enough to make this our full-time job? Didn't think so...

Let's get crackin' on this weekend's events in the sports world.

1. MLS Playoffs -

A. Real surprise (get it???) of the 1st round goes to Salt Lake's defeat of the defending champion Columbus Crew. Columbus looked like they were ready to put the series away in game 2, but Real's game-tying goal right before the half totally switched momentum, and hats off to Kreis and company for finishing it off in the 2nd half.

B. Chicago comes roaring back to win game 2 over a depleted New England squad to advance 2-1. After Chicago got the 1st goal, it seemed like a matter of time before they got the series-clincher. The Fire were so dominant at one point that my wife, who isn't much of a sports fan, said "It looks like the Red team can score whenever they want." 2 minutes later, goal...series over.

C. Houston beats the sentimental league favorite in Seattle. The Sounders played attacking soccer for the most part, but 0 goals in 2 games won't cut it. I thought Houston played okay, but they seem like a fatigued club. Maybe all of the extra games this season have taken their toll.

D. Galaxy beats Chivas in the derby. Great series; it's what most were hoping for. Attacking soccer, solid play, and the league's best player (Donovan, not Beckham) wins the series on a penalty in game 2. I liked the graphic they showed right before the kick, when they pointed out he went lower right on his previous 10 kicks. I'm thinking goalkeeper Zach Thornton was aware of that also, as that's where he dove. However, Donovan pulled the ol' switcheroo and goes down the middle.

2. - Conference Finals

A. Chicago has too much talent and motivation to lose at home to an inferior Real Salt Lake opponent. Blanco looks more and more like the 2nd best player in the league, but nipping at Donovan's heels. Looks like Dennis Hamlett's job is safe for a while longer.

Chicago 2 - Real Salt Lake 0

B. This should be a pretty close game. The Galaxy will attack and Houston will absorb and try to counter. L.A. just needs to relax and not get frustrated by the Dynamo's strategy, or they'll give up a silly goal and have to chase the game. They're not very good at that. L.A. scores on a set piece from Beckham and gives MLS their dream Final - 2 of the 3 biggest tv markets in the country participating in MLS Cup.

L.A. 1 - Houston 0

3. FC Fredericksburg Gunners - Ceased operations recently. Readers of this site know I was in with this group at the beginning 3 years ago before my real job forced me to leave. Good group and a good organization that just couldn't get things off the ground in the area. They did bring some quality soccer to the area for both men and women, and I wish the folks the best as they move on to other jobs within the soccer community.


4. USL - So I was talking with a pro coach this morning about the possibility of a breakaway league when the news comes out less than 2 hours later that it's happening. Several USL1 teams have formed their own league, including Miami FC, who draw under 300 per game. How the heck is that going to work? Rumor has it that Sunil Gulati told the potential league that if they got 8 teams, he would back it as a sanctioned-FIFA league. So does this mean what's left of USL1 and USL2 combine? I hope so. Would make for a solid league and parity, and a couple of the weaker organizations would drop out. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the annual USL meetings next weekend in Tampa. I'll see what else I can find out and let you know.


5. U.S. Friendlies - So has Edgar Castillo been blackballed before even stepping onto the training field for the U.S.? He twittered last week that he was called into camp for the 2 upcoming games in Europe, but then when the roster was released, he was nowhere to be found. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything, but couldn't Bradley have at least given him a warning? First Torres, now Castillo...maybe some of these players who can choose to play for the U.S. or Mexico will begin looking south of the border again if U.S. Soccer is going to treat its players this way...nothing like poisoning a group of potential players before they even think about playing for the U.S., huh?


6. World Cup Qualifying - It's the last week of games to decide the 9 remaining spots for South Africa. I've got 1 or 2 surprising picks. Let's go with:


France over Ireland
Ukraine over Greece
Russia over Slovenia
Portugal over Bosnia
New Zealand over Bahrain
Tunisia and Algeria advance

2 upset specials:

Cameroon loses or draws at Morocco Saturday, which will let Gabon advance after they beat Togo.

Costa Rica will get 2 goals at home against a Uruguay squad that will have trouble coping in the Cauldron, and then somehow hang on in Montevideo during the return leg next Wednesday and be the 4th CONCACAF team in the Cup.

There you have it. Lots of predictions, which means lots of wrong answers. We'll see how I did next week.

As always, thanks for reading!

So Long, Soehn

You are the weakest link – goodbye!

Tuesday morning it became official that Tom Soehn would keep the tradition alive at D.C. United as he decided to not seek re-election. Apparently incumbency only works in politics and not as United’s head coach.

Since you didn’t ask, here are eleven guys* who D.C. might consider to replace Soehn with pros and cons on each. It’s up to you to decide which ones are serious.

* It’s blogger law that all soccer related lists have eleven entries.

11. Sasho Cirovski

Pros: Local. Won two NCAA titles since ’05. MLS needs another asshole coach to torment referees with Soehn gone.

Cons: Ain’t gonna leave Maryland. Period. Unless they pay him what Ruud Gullit got from the Galaxy, then he might reconsider.

10. Jim Zorn

Pros: Also local. Should be available by the SuperDraft. Can bring Sherm Lewis with him to hold up the substitution board, though the subs may wind up being player “B” for “4” or “G” for “52.” Watch out for the free space one too.

Cons: Would be even less qualified as an MLS coach than an NFL one. And that’s saying something. Though it might bring Riggo out to a game to heckle him from Barra Brava, which would be a plus.

9. John Harkes

Pros: Obvious D.C. United connection. Was Arena’s top assistant in New York. Would get him off ESPN’s broadcasts. Could do in-game interviews in Scottish brogue.

Cons: Would he really leave the broadcast booth? (Maybe ESPN will name him “Broadcaster For Life,” only to axe him for Andy Gray a month prior to South Africa 2010.) There’s a reason he left coaching for broadcasting.

8. Curt Onalfo

Pros: Ties to D.C. United. Was decent in Kansas City in his run with the Wizards. His attacking style fits what Payne wants.

Cons: Arrogant asshole. Apparently can’t run quality practices. His “attacking style” rarely produced goals for the Wizards.

7. Marion Barry

Pros: Sticking with the local theme (avoids that relocation cost, ya know?). Beloved by seemingly everyone in D.C. Is savvy enough to not get on Jaime Moreno’s bad side. Continual cries of “The Ref set me up!” in post-game pressers. Could claim he was “scouting” and not stalking people.

Cons: There’s an equal chance he would die or be arrested on the sidelines; even though they say any publicity is good, I think that crosses the line. Still couldn’t help get a stadium built. Would encourage trainers to use medicinal marijuana.

6. Robin Fraser

Pro: Grooming himself under Jason Kreis and RSL’s back-to-back playoff appearances. Defensive minded which this team could sorely use. Well respected around the league.

Con: Third assistant for 8^th placed team. Would be a relative reach at this point in his career, though not as bad as Snyder reaching for Zorn. Not as well known to fans.

5. Colin Clarke

Pros: Had moderately successful run in Dallas. Led Puerto Rico (USL-1) to knockout stage of CONCACAF Champions League, which Soehn was unable to do.

Cons: Too similar in personality to Soehn and would have similar locker room problems. If you were Clarke, would you leave Puerto Rico?

4. Jon Spencer

Pro: Alleged top assistant in MLS. Attack minded player should mean attack minded coach. Would bring back Bellbottoms (Yeah!).

Cons: Fiery demeanor might not mesh well with veterans. Might be pricier as alleged in non-hire in Chicago. How much help does Dom Kinnear really need?

3. Richie Williams (assuming he becomes available)

Pros: Obvious D.C. United connection. Has been the most successful coach for Red Bull lately. Fan favorite. Would bring back shuffling of personnel between New York and D.C. which hasn’t happened lately.

Cons: Might not be as easy to coach guys he played with (Moreno and Olsen). Saying you’re the best coach for NYRB is like saying you’re the thinnest person on The Biggest Loser.

2. Kevin Payne

Ahh, who am I kidding, not even KP has that big of an ego.

2. Michael Scott

Pros: Speaking of ego, there ya go. Only a few hours away in Scranton, PA. There are no koi ponds in RFK (though watch out for rat traps). Excellent motivator. Would be a players coach, a big change from Soehn. Already has his assistant (to the) coach handpicked.

Cons: Would try to make the game all about him. Doesn’t know any positions. (That’s what she said!) Would be a “yes man” for Payne. All in all probably not an upgrade over Soehn, even if it would be more entertaining.

1. Dave Sarachan

Pros: Successful in Chicago as head coach before being unjustly dismissed. Ties to D.C. United. Currently helping to revive Galaxy as Bruce Arena’s top assistant. Would know exactly what you’re getting unlike some other assistants who will likely be interviewed.

Cons: Good on X’s and O’s, not the best motivator. Might be unfairly viewed as a re-tread. Would know exactly what you’re getting meaning there’s no chance of catching the next big coach.

At this point I’d say my choice would be Sarachan with Williams as his assistant. Richie likely wants a head coaching gig, but I’m not sure he’d get one and under Sarachan he would be more 1A than a second in command.

- Pat Walsh